Chicago Pride (and Joy) - 2009

Chicago Gay Pride 2009 - A Lesson in Pride, Joy, and Activism

I have always been proud of who I am... perhaps to a fault. I guess it was ingrained in me very early as a child. My mother always told me I could be anything I wanted to be as long as I put my mind to it. She said I was blessed to be born in a free country with an able body and a strong mind, and that if I worked hard enough and believed in myself, there was nothing that could stop me. And I believed her. I still do.

So I strove at an early age to be the best person I could be... and was proud of myself for it. Sometimes my pride was warranted - like when I won a spelling bee, or played well in a baseball game - but other times it wasn't.

I remember clearly in fourth grade when I was proud that my volcano entry won 2nd place in its category, and was showing off my ribbon to friends, only to be reminded by my teacher that there were only two entries in that category and mine was last. In reality, my volcano was poorly done and I didn't spend a lot of time or effort working on it. Had there been other entries in that category, mine certainly would still have been last.

It was a simple lesson, but an important one. Pride must be coupled with accomplishment (or at least effort)... otherwise it is merely conceit.

As I grew older, my personal sense of pride changed. While I was still proud of my abilities and many of my accomplishments, I wasn't necessarily proud of who I was. I had the usual identity crisis that all teens go through... "who am I?", "who do I want to be?", "am I cool?", "am I popular?", "do people really like me?", "where do I fit in?", etc...

But I had another identity crisis brewing that was far more distressing. It could be summed up with one question... "am I gay?". This notion certainly didn't make me feel proud. In fact, it was quite the contrary. The thought consumed me with shame and self-loathing.

Fast forward to adulthood. Long after I accepted my sexual identity and reconciled my inner conflicts, David and I attended our first Chicago Gay Pride Parade. We went with some friends, and had a really good time seeing the variety of people and the crazy costumes (or lack thereof). Plus, it was a great excuse to party in a massive gay-friendly environment!

So did I feel proud? I guess a little. But something was missing...

Truthfully, I couldn't quite grasp why I should feel proud about being gay. It's not that I was ashamed - I had shed that feeling long ago - but where was the sense of accomplishment? What did I do that should make me feel proud?

The answer is nothing. As I've shared in previous blogs, I never made the choice to be gay. I simply accepted it. Therefore, I should feel no more pride about being gay than a heterosexual should about being straight. In fact, I've been disgusted at times by the swagger I've seen when straight guys have boasted about their heterosexuality and sneered at the queers they saw as their inferiors. They clearly had a false sense of pride - nothing more than blatant conceit.

From my perspective, it was hypocritical to express pride in my sexual identity while condemning my heterosexual counterparts for doing the same. So I put Gay Pride on my lengthy list of 'good excuses to party', and left it at that.

It wasn't until David and I were in New York a couple years ago, and we stopped in a bar called Stonewall Inn, that I gained a deeper appreciation for what Gay Pride is really about. There were pictures and stories of a time not long ago that touched me on a personal level.

As many readers already know, Stonewall was the genesis of the Gay Pride movement. On June 28, 1969 (when I was 6 weeks old), police raided that very same tavern. The establishment was a known hang-out for a wide variety of down and out members of the gay community. Frustrated by persistent persecution from local police, and galvanized by other causes that appeared to be gaining traction through activism and civil disobedience, the LGBT community stood up and said 'enough is enough'.

After the police raid, local residents gathered to protest, and it quickly escalated into a full-blown riot. Additional protests ensued in the following days and weeks. Ultimately, the community organized for action, and the gay rights movement was born. They established neighborhood safe-havens that allowed LGBT people to gather without fear of persecution, and formed the foundation of a unified LGBT community in New York City.

One year later, marches were organized in several major cities around the country to commemorate the courageous stand taken in New York. These marches continued in subsequent years and have grown into the world-wide celebration we now know as Gay Pride.

This year, as I've deeply explored my personal experience as a gay man, I've also challenged my perceptions about Gay Pride.

First, I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for the men and women in Greenwich Village who 40 years ago had the courage and conviction to stand up and demand equal rights. The sexual revolution that was well under way at that time did NOT extend to the LGBT community. They were far more oppressed than I can even imagine, and those early protestors should be praised and honored for their pivotal fight for civil rights.

Likewise, I have great respect for the legions of men and women who have continued to carry the banner year after year to ensure our voices are heard. While we as a community still have a ways to go, our issues today pale in comparison to what they had to contend with four decades ago. Our rights have evolved tremendously since those dark days, and we as a community should be proud of that journey.

A primary purpose of the Gay Pride Parade is to pay respect to the brave men and women who led the march for LGBT civil rights, and who continue to do so today. Let's not forget that.

Second, when I think back to my formative years - and the dire conflict I experienced between wanting to live with pride and dignity, and the moritifying shame of my sexuality - I realize there must be so many people in our society who lost that very same conflict. Sexual identity is such a part of your core being, it's often hard to distinguish the two. I imagine many LGBT people have a low self-worth because society has convinced them that their personal identity is measured by their sexuality. The truth is, sexual identity should not be part of the equation at all.

As such, I do not believe Gay Pride is about being proud of your sexual identity. Having pride in your sexuality is a delusion, in my opinion. Real pride comes from your actions and your accomplishments, not your assets. I have no more pride in the fact that I'm gay than I do in being male, white, or brown-eyed.

I believe that Gay Pride is about being proud of who you are... period. It's about knowing you can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it... it's about living your life with pride and dignity as a human being... it's about telling the rest of society that you will NOT be judged by your sexuality... it's about shouting to the world:

I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM, AND I AM GAY.

That's what Gay Pride means to me.

You know, it struck me when I watched this year's parade - with a new set of eyes - that there is a reason the word "pride" is so often accompanied with the word "joy". They really do go hand in hand. True happiness stems from self-worth... knowing who you are and being proud of it. Pride and joy are a mighty pair, and everyone should have the opportunity to know them.

I went to Chicago Pride this year with the express purpose of looking for real pride and real joy. I also looked for the spirit of activism that inspired the Gay Pride movement to begin with. I'm happy to report that I found all that I was looking for.

And better yet, I was able to capture a sense of that pride, joy, and activism through the lens of my camera. I hope you like it, and that it will inspire you to think about what Gay Pride means to you...

[tip: Watch this in HD mode...]



This year, I felt like I experienced Gay Pride in the way it was intended. I shared the sense of community, I reveled in the sheer expression of freedom, and I gained a renewed sense of pride in myself and in the LGBT community at large.

There is still a lot we have to do, and we will need continued support and activism from gays and straights alike to achieve real equality. But for now, I'm happy to pause in the moment and share with the world:

I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM, AND I AM GAY!


If you are interested in learning more about the history of Gay Pride, please do take the time to read about it in wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride_parade . There is a wealth of information in there, of which I only shared a slice.