National Equality March: Why We March...

On October 11, 2009, a sea of humanity engulfed the grounds of the United States Capitol in Washington DC, carrying a resounding message to Congress: We demand equal rights for all LGBT Americans.

As masses of marchers - numbering in the tens, if not hundreds of thousands - weaved their way through the streets of our nation's capitol, brandishing signs and chanting equality mantras, it was clear that this was not simply a protest... it had the hallmark of a full-blown civil rights movement.

Congregating on the lawn of the U.S. Capitol Building, the immense crowd was enthralled as speaker after speaker eloquently and passionately expounded on the injustices endured by LGBT Americans, and resolved to fight the battle for equality until it is won. Men and women of all ages, races, ethnicity, religious beliefs, and sexual identity were unified with a singular mission: equal rights for all.

Skeptics said we wouldn't come. We did. Antagonists said that the LGBT community was too fractured and apathetic to summon a true identity, let alone speak with a unified voice. They were wrong. We know who we are, we knew why we were there, and we spoke with conviction and power. As was said many times throughout the orations, we are on the right side of history. And we will persist until this battle is won.

The National Equality March achieved its objective. It marked not the end of a journey, but the beginning of one.

While many may have heard the inspiring collection of speeches delivered on the steps of the Capitol Building (if you haven't, I encourage you to go to YouTube and listen to each and every one), equally as inspiring are the reasons individual citizens gave for joining the cause.

Here are some of the response people (including me) gave when asked to explain "Why I March":

• I march because my conscience demands it
• I march to demand the repeal of DOMA
• I march to honor the sanctity of marriage for all committed couples
• I march to speak out against bigotry and hatred towards gays
• I march for the right to join the military - regardless of my sexual orientation
• I march for the right to raise a family with my same-sex partner
• I march because I'm proud of who I am
• I march for respect, dignity, and equality
• I march to make a difference
• I march to give the finger to the Phelps freaks
• I march not to impose my beliefs on others, but to protect myself from others imposing their beliefs on me
• I march to stand up against the National Organization for Marriage
• I march because apathy is our biggest enemy
• I march so congress will know I'm LGBT and I'm serious
• I march because LGBT equal rights can only be achieved at the federal level
• I march because every voice counts
• I march to end LGBT discrimination in the workplace
• I march to make my mother proud
• I march to show the world I'm not afraid
• I march to raise awareness of the rise in LGBT hate crimes
• I march to remind Obama why we voted for him
• I march because I am equal, and I deserve equal rights
• I march because in my lifetime, our marriage was illegal (interracial heterosexual couple)
• I march because I'm from California, and we lost Proposition 8 - and we're not going to lose anything else, Goddamnit!
• I march so my partner and I can have equal rights for our baby son
• I march for liberty and justice for all - equal rights for everyone
• I march (and rode the bus all night to get here) because LGBT rights are human rights, and I'm tired of waiting
• I march so our baby daughter can grow up and love who she wants to love
• I march because it's the right thing to do. I want my children to have the rights that I don't currently have
• I march for equal rights for all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity
• I march because our family should be respected just like any other family
• I march so I can actually marry my partner of 10 years and have the same rights that every straight couple has
• I march because I deserve equal rights, as does my girlfriend
• I march because "if you are gay, gay is OK" (spoken by a little kid)
• I march because we need equal rights, and we need them as soon as possible... like today... or tomorrow... or NOW
• I march because I don't understand why people are so afraid of she and I getting married
• I march because I think you should be able to love whomever you want to love
• I'm marching for my family and for myself. I am a lesbian, and my Latino family is largely an immigrant population
• I march for 100% equality. We've been together for 21 years, yet we don't have any legal rights
• I march to send a message to President Obama to keep his promise on equal rights
• I march for the generations to come and those cast to the margins - ignored by the media and decision makers
• I march for all those who can't
• I march because I was married for 30 years and enjoyed all the legal rights of a married person. Now I'd like the same rights married to a man
• I march for equality and safety, which has been denied on our campus
• I march because we've been together for 31 years in February, and we want to get married
• I march because I trust the president, and wish him well, but he can do more for us and I think he will. He gives great speeches... we want great acts
• I march because I want to have a family with my girlfriend
• I march for full equality for all Americans
• I march for love... for pure honest love in all circumstances
• I march so Americans can have the same rights we enjoy in Canada
• I march because no one should be a second class citizen
• I march for those who cannot
• I march because sometimes it takes a bunch of people to get together before people notice them
• I march because I feel that everyone should have a choice and an opportunity to be with the one they love
• I march for our four kids that need our support. We want to get married and we can't. We deserve equal rights
• I march because 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' hurts our troops and hurts our country
• I march to protect love
• I march because I think Bert and Ernie should have gotten married
• I am marching for me, so I can have a stronger commitment to this movement
• I march to support the repeal of DOMA and "Don't Ask Don't Tell", to support adoption rights, and international marriage
• I march to be counted
• I march because they've been telling us it's not our time since Stonewall
• I march because everyone should have the same rights and privileges in America
• I march as a straight guy who supports the cause of equality
• I march not because I believe change is possible, but because I believe it is inevitable

This is just a small sampling of why we marched. These are real voices from real people who invested the time, money, and energy to make sure their voices were heard in Washington DC. Make no mistake... every voice counts.

The National Equality March was just the beginning. We will continue to fight the battle until it is won. We will contest every piece of bigoted legislation at all levels of government. We will introduce and support LGBT equality legislation on every front. We will use our collective strength to ensure our elected officials are advocates for equality.

We are not asking for equal rights, we are demanding it.

[Special thanks to Tweeter @jaysays for his tireless efforts in interviewing scores of marchers and posting the videos on Twitter - from which many of these quotes were compiled. Bravo!]

A Message to Maggie Gallagher

Dear Maggie,

After reading your Five Predictions About Gay Marriage , in which you respond to Steve Chapman's request for opponents of same-sex marriage to provide "simple, concrete predictions about measurable social indicators" (see An Odd Silence on Gay Marriage), I couldn't help but share my own perspective with you and anyone else who may be interested. Granted, I'm not a seasoned activist, savvy politician, or "old marriage debate person", but I am an American citizen who happens to be gay and still enjoys the right to free speech.

In short, your stance against same-sex marriage tells society that the LGBT community is not to be seen for its humanity, but for its sexual identity. It reinforces the idea that it is OK to deny people their basic civil rights if they don't match your beliefs. It threatens the very fabric of a free society by imposing the beliefs of one religious doctrine over another. And it ultimately encourages people to view gays through a filter of myths and stereotypes, which fertilizes the seeds of fear, hatred, and violence.

Your predictions seem trivial compared to the injustice your stance on gay marriage embodies.

Prediction #1: In gay-marriage states, a large minority people committed to traditional notions of marriage will feel afraid to speak up for their views, lest they be punished in some way.

My View: I'm fascinated by your concern about people feeling 'afraid' to share their views, and the associated 'punishment' they might experience. While I can't quite empathize with what that fear might feel like (right wing heterosexuals afraid to speak out against gays? Really?), I can share the fear that the LGBT community experiences in many aspects of life - every day, in every state:

• Fear: Showing any form of public affection - whether it's walking arm in arm, holding hands, or kissing
  Punishment: Being verbally or physically assaulted
  
  
• Fear: Revealing sexual orientation in the workplace
  Punishment: Being fired (or discharged in the case of the army)
  
  
• Fear: Revealing sexual orientation to friends and family
  Punishment: Being disowned, losing friends, becoming socially vilified and ostracized
  
  
• Fear: Revealing sexual orientation to church
  Punishment: Being labeled a 'sinner', subjected to 'healing' or even exorcism, or possibly excommunication

I could go on about the fears gay couples have about estate planning in a legal system that does not protect our joint assets, or the void some couples feel for being denied the right to raise a family, or the devastation we experience when the law prevents us from making medical decisions on behalf of our loved one. I could go on about these things, but I won't. There's no point, as I don't expect you to relate to the inhumanity behind the policies.

Of course, all of these things can be addressed in a gay relationship if one has the financial resources and legal savvy to buy these securities, but they are not extended as rights to gay couples in the same way they are to heterosexual couples. And that is the problem.

It is wrong that American citizens have to buy rights that are freely extended to the rest of American society.

Prediction #2: Public schools will teach about gay marriage.

My View: I'm struggling to understand the concern you're trying to represent here. I'm not sure to what extent schools even teach children about traditional marriage (I don't recall that class, actually), but I can't imagine that it would be overshadowed by lessons on same-sex marriage.

To my knowledge, schools don't spend much time on other arcane marriage issues such as mixed-race or mixed-faith matrimony, or even the current epidemic of divorce in our country. Nor do I believe they teach children about the pros and cons of co-habitation or 'common law' marriage, which is certainly frowned upon by many religions. Why do you feel that same-sex marriages would be treated any differently?

I would also be curious to know your perspective on whether schools should teach children about other topics such as evolution and our solar system. As I'm sure you know, many faith groups believe these are moral battlegrounds as well, and assert that children should be sheltered from such heresies. Are you of that opinion?

Prediction #3: Parents in public schools who object to gay marriage being taught to their children will be told with increasing public firmness that they don't belong in public schools and their views will not be accomodated in any way.

My View: Your prediction infers that teaching children about societal law equates to teaching children about the morality around those laws. In my mind, these are distinctly different things. For example, one can teach about the laws pertaining to marriage, co-habitation, and divorce, and still remain neutral on whether co-habitation and divorce are moral.

I believe that schools should teach children facts (reading, writing, arithmetic, science, etc) blended with culture (history, civics, law, arts, war, politics, faith, etc). Facts should be taught as such - sharing all that man's quest for knowledge has proven to be tested and true (with appropriate distinctions between scientific facts vs scientific theories). Culture should be shared in all its diversity - recognizing that society is influenced by countless factors, and is only defined by the filters and beliefs applied by those defining it.

As children are taught about culture they should also be taught the art of reason, so they know how to form their own views. The art of reason includes the ability to listen to various viewpoints, to form a rational opinion, and to articulate and defend your position. It is the art of reason that has allowed civilization to prosper and evolve.

Schools should teach children the rationale behind differeng viewpoints on issues of social morality. Let them exchange ideas, debate, and challenge each other so they have the skills and tools necessary to stand behind their ideologies when they are old enough to shape society. If children aren't taught how to debate sensitive topics in a classroom with respect and reason, how can we expect them to do so in society as adults? Perhaps that's a fundamental gap in society today.

Regarding your concern that a parent will no longer have the right to dictate what a school should or shouldn't teach their child about moral issues - I don't agree they have that right to begin with. Parents have every opportunity to shape their child's belief system at home and at church. If parents are worried that their child will learn things in school that will cause them to abandon that belief system, perhaps the parents need to spend more time with their child to ensure they establish a sound moral gounding, whatever they believe that to be.

Prediction #4: Religous institutions will face new legal threats (especially soft litigation threats) that will cause some to close, or modify their missions, to avoid clashing with the government's official views of marriage (which will include the view that opponents are akin to racists for failing to see same-sex couples as married).

My View: I don't understand how the government can bring forward 'soft litigation threats' to religious institutions... perhaps you can educate me on this. I understand that the government can affect religious institutions through tax status, but I can't imagine how same-sex marriage would cause the government to play that card in any way, shape, or form. I'm hoping someone more educated on this topic can weigh in, as I certainly have no expertise here.

I personally believe the biggest risk to religious institutions is whether they can maintain their faith base in a rapidly evolving society. Civil litigation can come from anywhere - with or without same-sex marriage being honored by the government - and I expect these institutions will be challenged by their own base regardless of legislative policy. Whether the challenges involve litigation, or simply manifest themselves in attrition, I don't know. But it's not the government the church has to worry about.

From my perspective, the religious institutions are the ones who need to grapple with the morality of same-sex marriage. It is up to each faith how they want to interpret their religious doctrines and apply them in modern society. The government should have no part in that interpretation.

If a same-sex couple chooses to be married by a church, they will choose a church that sanctions same-sex marriage and the government should honor their marital status. If a same-sex couple chooses to be married without subscribing to a specific religious faith, they should be able to apply for marital status through the government just like any other couple. If an opposite-sex couple believes strongly that gay unions are immoral and should not be sanctioned by their church, they should belong to a church that shares their belief.

Regardless of the views of the various religious institutions, the government's role is simply to honor the relationship and defend the rights, obligations, and benefits that are extended to married couples. It's as simple as that.

Prediction #5: Support for the idea "the ideal for a child is a married mother and father" will decline.

My View: The ideal for a child is to be raised in a safe and supportive home by parents who love and care for them. In case you haven't noticed, our nation is plagued with dysfunctional families of all shapes and sizes - many of whose issues stem from single parents and/or divorce. Same-sex marriage can't realistically have any impact, positive or negative, on this nationwide crisis.

If your goal is to strengthen the sanctity of marriage, perhaps you should focus your energy on teaching couples how to cooperate, collaborate, negotiate, and reason with each other rather than worry about the respective genders of the married couple. The sanctity of marriage is not defined by the genders involved as much as it is the commitment to the institution of marriage. That commitment is no stronger or weaker for a man and woman than it is for a same-sex couple.

In Conclusion:

I thank you for sharing your predictions, as they provide insight into how you (and presumably your like-minded peers) perceive the risk of same-sex marriage on society. I'm disappointed that your predictions aren't quantifiable societal indicators as Mr. Chapman originally requested, but at least you had the moral conviction to respond. I can only hope that more of your peers will respond in fashion, as it will only help encourage the debate and dialogue on this topic.

For the record, I disagree with your views, and am somewhat surprised that your predictions aren't more damning of same-sex marriage considering your notable stance on the subject.

From my perspective, the war against same-sex marriage has been waged from a position of fear and contempt. If you take the time to read through some of my previous blogs, you'll see that I believe the basis of this fear stems from societal myths and stereotypes rather than the reality of the LGBT community. Myths and stereotypes breed fear, which leads to hatred and ultimately violence.

As a gay man who has been in a committed relationship for almost 16 years now, I can say with certainty that societal fears and persecution will not change the fact that I am gay, nor will it prevent me from sharing my life with my partner. As an American citizen, I will demand equal rights not because I want to impose my beliefs on others, but because I will not have others impose their beliefs on me. As a human being, I will urge my fellow man to accept and respect me for who I am - not based on the labels they attach to me.

Maggie Gallagher, if your real goal is to enrich society and ensure its longevity, then I urge you to consider that society can only evolve by embracing and encouraging diversity. The darkest days in the history of the human race are steeped in intolerance and injustice. Let's not repeat those mistakes; we're better than that.

I welcome your response.

Chicago Pride (and Joy) - 2009

Chicago Gay Pride 2009 - A Lesson in Pride, Joy, and Activism

I have always been proud of who I am... perhaps to a fault. I guess it was ingrained in me very early as a child. My mother always told me I could be anything I wanted to be as long as I put my mind to it. She said I was blessed to be born in a free country with an able body and a strong mind, and that if I worked hard enough and believed in myself, there was nothing that could stop me. And I believed her. I still do.

So I strove at an early age to be the best person I could be... and was proud of myself for it. Sometimes my pride was warranted - like when I won a spelling bee, or played well in a baseball game - but other times it wasn't.

I remember clearly in fourth grade when I was proud that my volcano entry won 2nd place in its category, and was showing off my ribbon to friends, only to be reminded by my teacher that there were only two entries in that category and mine was last. In reality, my volcano was poorly done and I didn't spend a lot of time or effort working on it. Had there been other entries in that category, mine certainly would still have been last.

It was a simple lesson, but an important one. Pride must be coupled with accomplishment (or at least effort)... otherwise it is merely conceit.

As I grew older, my personal sense of pride changed. While I was still proud of my abilities and many of my accomplishments, I wasn't necessarily proud of who I was. I had the usual identity crisis that all teens go through... "who am I?", "who do I want to be?", "am I cool?", "am I popular?", "do people really like me?", "where do I fit in?", etc...

But I had another identity crisis brewing that was far more distressing. It could be summed up with one question... "am I gay?". This notion certainly didn't make me feel proud. In fact, it was quite the contrary. The thought consumed me with shame and self-loathing.

Fast forward to adulthood. Long after I accepted my sexual identity and reconciled my inner conflicts, David and I attended our first Chicago Gay Pride Parade. We went with some friends, and had a really good time seeing the variety of people and the crazy costumes (or lack thereof). Plus, it was a great excuse to party in a massive gay-friendly environment!

So did I feel proud? I guess a little. But something was missing...

Truthfully, I couldn't quite grasp why I should feel proud about being gay. It's not that I was ashamed - I had shed that feeling long ago - but where was the sense of accomplishment? What did I do that should make me feel proud?

The answer is nothing. As I've shared in previous blogs, I never made the choice to be gay. I simply accepted it. Therefore, I should feel no more pride about being gay than a heterosexual should about being straight. In fact, I've been disgusted at times by the swagger I've seen when straight guys have boasted about their heterosexuality and sneered at the queers they saw as their inferiors. They clearly had a false sense of pride - nothing more than blatant conceit.

From my perspective, it was hypocritical to express pride in my sexual identity while condemning my heterosexual counterparts for doing the same. So I put Gay Pride on my lengthy list of 'good excuses to party', and left it at that.

It wasn't until David and I were in New York a couple years ago, and we stopped in a bar called Stonewall Inn, that I gained a deeper appreciation for what Gay Pride is really about. There were pictures and stories of a time not long ago that touched me on a personal level.

As many readers already know, Stonewall was the genesis of the Gay Pride movement. On June 28, 1969 (when I was 6 weeks old), police raided that very same tavern. The establishment was a known hang-out for a wide variety of down and out members of the gay community. Frustrated by persistent persecution from local police, and galvanized by other causes that appeared to be gaining traction through activism and civil disobedience, the LGBT community stood up and said 'enough is enough'.

After the police raid, local residents gathered to protest, and it quickly escalated into a full-blown riot. Additional protests ensued in the following days and weeks. Ultimately, the community organized for action, and the gay rights movement was born. They established neighborhood safe-havens that allowed LGBT people to gather without fear of persecution, and formed the foundation of a unified LGBT community in New York City.

One year later, marches were organized in several major cities around the country to commemorate the courageous stand taken in New York. These marches continued in subsequent years and have grown into the world-wide celebration we now know as Gay Pride.

This year, as I've deeply explored my personal experience as a gay man, I've also challenged my perceptions about Gay Pride.

First, I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for the men and women in Greenwich Village who 40 years ago had the courage and conviction to stand up and demand equal rights. The sexual revolution that was well under way at that time did NOT extend to the LGBT community. They were far more oppressed than I can even imagine, and those early protestors should be praised and honored for their pivotal fight for civil rights.

Likewise, I have great respect for the legions of men and women who have continued to carry the banner year after year to ensure our voices are heard. While we as a community still have a ways to go, our issues today pale in comparison to what they had to contend with four decades ago. Our rights have evolved tremendously since those dark days, and we as a community should be proud of that journey.

A primary purpose of the Gay Pride Parade is to pay respect to the brave men and women who led the march for LGBT civil rights, and who continue to do so today. Let's not forget that.

Second, when I think back to my formative years - and the dire conflict I experienced between wanting to live with pride and dignity, and the moritifying shame of my sexuality - I realize there must be so many people in our society who lost that very same conflict. Sexual identity is such a part of your core being, it's often hard to distinguish the two. I imagine many LGBT people have a low self-worth because society has convinced them that their personal identity is measured by their sexuality. The truth is, sexual identity should not be part of the equation at all.

As such, I do not believe Gay Pride is about being proud of your sexual identity. Having pride in your sexuality is a delusion, in my opinion. Real pride comes from your actions and your accomplishments, not your assets. I have no more pride in the fact that I'm gay than I do in being male, white, or brown-eyed.

I believe that Gay Pride is about being proud of who you are... period. It's about knowing you can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it... it's about living your life with pride and dignity as a human being... it's about telling the rest of society that you will NOT be judged by your sexuality... it's about shouting to the world:

I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM, AND I AM GAY.

That's what Gay Pride means to me.

You know, it struck me when I watched this year's parade - with a new set of eyes - that there is a reason the word "pride" is so often accompanied with the word "joy". They really do go hand in hand. True happiness stems from self-worth... knowing who you are and being proud of it. Pride and joy are a mighty pair, and everyone should have the opportunity to know them.

I went to Chicago Pride this year with the express purpose of looking for real pride and real joy. I also looked for the spirit of activism that inspired the Gay Pride movement to begin with. I'm happy to report that I found all that I was looking for.

And better yet, I was able to capture a sense of that pride, joy, and activism through the lens of my camera. I hope you like it, and that it will inspire you to think about what Gay Pride means to you...

[tip: Watch this in HD mode...]



This year, I felt like I experienced Gay Pride in the way it was intended. I shared the sense of community, I reveled in the sheer expression of freedom, and I gained a renewed sense of pride in myself and in the LGBT community at large.

There is still a lot we have to do, and we will need continued support and activism from gays and straights alike to achieve real equality. But for now, I'm happy to pause in the moment and share with the world:

I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM, AND I AM GAY!


If you are interested in learning more about the history of Gay Pride, please do take the time to read about it in wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride_parade . There is a wealth of information in there, of which I only shared a slice.