Gay Myth #2 - We Live a 'Gay Lifestyle'

For those who are conflicted by the idea that being gay is not a choice (see debunked Myth #1 in previous blog), the next layer of moral righteousness is often found in the notion that we ‘choose a gay lifestyle’. It’s a subtle distinction, but an important one.

Essentially, they’re concluding that while it’s not a mortal sin to be gay – since the offender really has no choice in the matter – the choice to actively live a ‘gay lifestyle’ still qualifies as a moral deficiency. It’s merely a matter of degree. Mortal sin? No. Double-purgatory? Probably so. As long as they can weave ‘choice’ into the equation, they can comfortably satisfy their appetite for moral supremacy.

The problem with this notion is three-fold:

1. It is based on the premise that there is a ‘gay lifestyle’, and that there is something inherently wrong with it


2. It creates the illusion that one’s sexuality somehow defines one’s way of life, and


3. It leads to the false conclusion that being gay is OK, but accepting that you are gay is not

Let’s tackle each one of these problems head on… shall we?

First, I would be ever-so-grateful if someone who believes in this myth could explain to me what it is like to live a ‘gay lifestyle’. My guess is they would describe a typical week in gaydom something like this…

• Monday: Go to work late, hungover from wild weekend of gay debauchery. (Is that glitter in my crotch?). Take Xanadu to the groomer at break. Order feather headdress and leather chaps for upcoming pride parade. Call Bryce (or was it Damon?) to thank him (them?) for a fabulous weekend. This could really lead to something special. Leave work early to pick up Xanadu from the groomer. Finish rhinestoning boots and sunglasses for Elton Johnathon. Meet Carson at the Manhole for cocktails.
• Tuesday: Go to work late, hungover from wild evening of gay debauchery with Carson and his 3 friends from Tulsa. Carson is so dreamy... this could really lead to something special. Order feather boa for Pink Party next Saturday. Schedule bikini wax. Leave work early to pick up DVD for movie night with next-door-neighbor Trystan - either 'In & Out', 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert', or Vin Diesel.
• Wednesday: Call in sick for work. Waxer had a slot open up today. Need tub of cocoa butter, Costco size bottle of ibuprofen, and a gallon of cosmos to get through this... going Brazilian. Send flowers to Trystan. It was so sweet watching In & Out with him. I think he's really the one. Call sister to see about taking her kids to Ice Capades this week with Trystan. If all goes well, maybe we'll order a set of matching Nicaraguans from the Gaydoption agency. Leave work early to show off Trystan and my new wax job at Steam Works. Cap off the evening with cocktails at the Mineshaft.
• Thursday: Go to work late, hungover from wild evening of gay debauchery with Trystan, Carson and his 3 friends from Tulsa. What a coincidence running into them at Steam Works! Order tickets to Ice Capades tonight. Look into airline tickets to Vancouver and Vermont. If too expensive, mapquest directions to gay chapels in Dubuque. Trystan is such a catch! Leave work early to pick up adorable nephews Jacob, Tanner, and Devon for ice show. Oh yeah... and niece megan too.
• Friday: Get to work on time today... OMG... crisis is brewing! Nicole's wedding is tomorrow, and the roses came in peach rather than apricot! Let's GO, people!!! Armand - re-work the makeup palette, Dante - find some new gown accessories in PEACH, Elliot - change out the tablecloths and linens, and Nathan - for GOD'S SAKE STOP CRYING! We have a wedding to save here, people!!! And no... I do NOT want to talk about my little rug-rat debacle last night. I knew it was a mistake bringing Megan. She made Trystan spill strawberry daiquiri all over his white Armanis with some crazy Kristi Yamaguchi bulls%&t at intermission. Trystan will never speak to me again. Meet Wesley at the Tool Box for straight up martinis as soon as this wedding crisis has simmered.
• Saturday: Show up for wedding just in time... after wild evening of gay debauchery with Terrance and Anthony. Wesley never showed up at Tool Box, so I high tailed it over to Ramrod where I met T&A (as I like to call them). Wedding saved, of course! Exchanged phone numbers with 'best man' - and oh yes, he was. His girlfriend shot dagger eyes at me the entire ceremony. I'll get him, my pretty... you just watch. Afternoon of jazzercizing and spin class. Can't wait to wear new 'tards and leg-warmers. Tonight is glitter-fest at Crystal Balls, with after hours at HottoZone.
• Sunday: Stayed up all night dancing and doing X with Damon (or was it Bryce?). Morning includes Bloody Mary brunch at Proud Mary's followed by gay rights march outside of 'Lil Angels' Sunday School. Gotta break in those leather chaps somewhere! Xanadu looks so cute in her pink taffeta tutu! Meet up with Dillon for cocktails at Sidetracks. It's Show Tune Sunday... clang, clang, clang!!!
• Monday: Rinse and repeat.

Is this about right? I can't be sure, but I think it might sound familiar to those who feel the need to speculate about what it's like to live a 'gay lifestyle'. To find out more about a REAL gay lifestyle (mine), and to challenge the illusions and conclusions that are drawn from such a myth, stay tuned for part 2 of this blog...