Gay Myths = Violence Against Gays

To date in my blogsperience, I've explored a variety of gay myths and have done my best to debunk them. My main purpose has been to highlight the fact that these myths are nothing more than ignorant perceptions about what it means to be gay, and ultimately demean all of us who identify as LGBT.

But it's more than that. Myths about gays cause fear... fear that we will exploit your children, threaten your sexuality, and ultimately corrode societal values. Obviously these fears are unfounded, but they exist. Think about it. Fear is the root of the controversy around gay marriage. Fear is the heart of the angst around gays in the military. And fear is the genesis of hate.

While you may not recognize it at its face value, hate against the LGBT community abounds. Sometimes it is couched in sarcasm or hidden in innuendo, but it is often even more blatant. Attend any gay pride parade or street fair in the gay district of any major municipality, and you will find religious protestors angrily condemning our kind and spewing vile and dire warnings. For people who profess to be followers of Jesus, their actions couldn't be further from the tenet of 'love thy neighbor'.

If it were only the taunts and jaunts of religious extremists, or the not-so-subtle jabs of the jock culture that fuels our society's 'man-laws', I could probably quietly and honorably live as a gay man with a heap of self-assurance and only a modicum of contempt. But I can't. You see, hate is more than taunting. Hate breeds violence. And that I cannot accept.

According to 2007 FBI hate crime statistics, violence against the LGBT community ranked third, only behind race and religion. Violence based on race was by far the highest percentage (52%), but religion and sexual orientation were nearly equal at 17.1% and 15.9% respectively. Keep in mind that several states still do not recognize sexual orientation as a basis for hate crimes. Even in states that do, it is widely speculated that these crimes are grossly under-reported. Hence, the numbers are probably under-stated.

So what to do? The fact is, statistical facts don't really tell the story. Every day, in every country and every city around the world, the LGBT community is victimized by violence. And it's not just a vague concept of 'attacks against the community'. These are real people who are subjected to real violence. The only way to appreciate the injustice that happens each and every day is to experience real-life situations.

See for yourself. Embedded in this blog is a video that highlights just a few examples of gays, lesbians, and trangenders who were killed simply because of their sexual identity. Watch the video. Experience it. Imagine that these people are your family... your loved ones. Nobody deserves to be subjected to these kinds of atrocities. And no one should stand on the sidelines to let it happen.

Myths cause fear... fear leads to hate... hate breeds violence. Stop the myths. End the violence.

Gay Myth #5: We are Godless Sinners

It is difficult to write objectively on a topic that essentially contemplates my eternal damnation. To many Christian believers, being gay means going to hell. Period. So, unless I do something drastic and more socially acceptable - like becoming an ordained priest for example - I am destined to dwell in the pits of hell.

It doesn't matter if God made me this way (which He didn't if you ask many Christian crusaders - I clearly chose to be sexually attracted to men, either consciously or sub-consciously), living a 'gay lifestyle' is an abomination and can only result in fire and brimstone.

Nor does it matter that the few scriptures that even allude to homosexuality as a sin are subject to debate in regards to both literal translation and contextual meaning. No... these self-anointed soul-savers clearly have the inside scoop on the Word of God and are more than eager to share the true meaning of these passages with all who will listen.

As good Christians, most make sure to remind everyone to 'hate the sin, and not the sinner'. This means they will tolerate me and my lifestyle while they pity me for my certain damnation. Very pious, indeed. For the record, I so appreciate being tolerated. I once had to tolerate Athlete's Foot that lasted for several weeks, and it required an enormous amount of self restraint to keep from chopping off my feet. If not for my faith in Lotrimin, and an untapped inner-strength I had previously not known, I fear I would have smote (smitten?) my feet while pitying their fate. Tolerance has truly made me a better man. I can only imagine the patience and inner resolve it takes for a good Christian to tolerate the flaming forbidden fruits that frolic among them.

Sarcasm aside, I do think it's difficult for any gay man or woman to truly embrace a religion that espouses homophobic dogma. As I think about my LGBT friends, I have to say that most are not outwardly religious people - although I speculate that many of them have core religious beliefs. Conversely, I also know several gay men and women who are deeply religious and have found tremendous spiritual support through the minority of churches who openly welcome LGBT members. It's disheartening to know, however, that most churches continue to treat homosexuality as a sin and therefore treat gays with 'tolerance' rather than a welcoming embrace. Frankly, I find it unbelievable that ANY religion would turn away someone who is truly seeking spiritual enlightenment, and yet here we are.

For me, it's hard to reconcile the notion that God made me gay, and is condemning me for it (or at least for not 'overcoming' it). I recently read some advice on an Islamic site that instructs parents to teach their children at an early age that homosexuality is wrong, and that if they experience homosexual urges they must resist because they are being 'tested' by God. I'm sure this attitude is not unique to the Islam faith - it is just as prevalent in Christianity. I believe there is something inherently wrong with that way of thinking, and I will not accept it.

More importantly, I do not believe morality has anything to do with sexual identity. In my opinion, any secular faith that equates the two has let societal misconceptions and fears overshadow the true message that early spiritual leaders were trying to convey. Most religions are based on one simple rule: "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". This means you should have love and respect for others - promoting their safety, well-being, and prosperity - and you should strive to contribute to a better society.

At its core, that's what religion is all about. It has nothing to do with sexual identity. In fact, the very act of condemning and chastising gays for their sexual identity in the name of God is contrary to the basic tenets of religion. How does prejudice and bigotry demonstrate love and respect for fellow man? Leave the final judgment to your God of choice, but while in this life... Live and Let Love.

So are gays Godless? Clearly not. As I've said before, the LGBT community is as diverse as society itself. We represent the full spectrum of religious beliefs, in spite of the fact that we are ostracized by many of the religions we belong to.

And are gays sinners? You'll have to decide that for yourself. I've given you my view of it. For reference, here is a brief 'cheat sheet' on how many of the major religions view homosexuality.

• Christianity: varies by church denomination, but traditionally considers homosexuality a sin.
• Judaism: varies by Jewish sect. Scripture alludes to homosexual acts as an abomination - much like practicing idolatry, sinful sacrifices, and/or witchcraft, although the translation and context is debated.
• Islam: explicitly states that homosexuality is a sin. Many Islamic countries still punish homosexual acts with death. (Sure... and these people choose to be gay)
• Hindu: does not appear to reference homosexuality in religious texts, and so seems to have conflicting interpretations.
• Buddhism: does not appear that the Buddha addressed homosexuality directly in his teachings, and also seems to have conflicting interpretations.

For a far more comprehensive chart on various religious views on homosexuality, click on the following link at http://www.religionfacts.com/homosexuality/comparison_chart.htm. I'm sure you'll find it interesting.

Special thanks to http://www.religioustolerance.org/ for a wealth of information on this topic.

Gay Myth #4: We are Pedophiles

I have no doubt that most rational adults in society recognize that there is no direct correlation between being gay and being a pedophile. In fact, when I first starting contemplating how I was going to approach this blog entry, I wondered whether this was really even a prevalent myth at all. And on first blush, I’m glad to report that my suspicion appears to be mostly correct.

Based on the handful of articles I have read on the topic, it seems that general public perceptions have evolved greatly over the last several decades. While 70% of survey respondents in 1970 believed that "homosexuals are dangerous as teachers or youth leaders because they try to get sexually involved with children" or that "homosexuals try to play sexually with children if they cannot get an adult partner", only 19% of heterosexual men and 10% of heterosexual women had similar beliefs in 1999 (see article at http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/index.html). This is good news. Society is evolving.

However, with that said, it frustrates me that 1 out of every 5 straight men and 1 out of every 10 straight women would not trust me with their children simply because I am gay. And it is downright alarming to me when I read the rhetoric published by so-called ‘family values’ crusaders who seem to be working very hard to perpetuate this myth through selective and often inaccurate statistics.

These groups are actively campaigning to vilify the LGBT community and to encourage unfounded societal fears. The articles I read repeatedly refer to ‘gay activists’ who have a set agenda to ‘recruit sexually confused adolescents’ into a gay lifestyle. They even go so far as to blame the LGBT community for the prevalence of gay suicides – arguing that these children would work through their sexual confusion if it weren’t for gay recruiters who convince them to commit to homosexuality at an early age. It’s disgusting to me that these groups not only exist, but they apparently have a voice that resonates within our society. As I have said before, myth leads to fear, fear leads to hate, hate leads to violence.

Here are a few excerpts from some of these groups about the so-called link between homosexuality and pedophilia:

From TraditionalValues.org
(three separate quotes from the same organization)

“Parents are correct to be concerned about homosexuals sexually assaulting their children. The Boy Scouts of America, for example, is right to prohibit homosexuals from membership or leadership positions. It is evident from the statistical evidence and news reports of child molestation cases, that homosexuals pose a clear and present danger to children. Our laws and social policies should protect children, not cater to the whims and sexual desires of sexual predators. We must oppose homosexual activism ‘for the children’s sake.’”

“As homosexuals continue to make inroads into public schools, more children will be molested and indoctrinated into the world of homosexuality. Many of them will die in that world.”

“Once inside the schools, homosexuals then work to silence all opposition to them. Their most effective weapon to date has been to use “homophobia” and “hate speech” as excuses to silence any criticism of their activities. Homosexuals claim that criticism of their practices leads to hate speech, which ultimately leads to violence and murder. Homosexuals also claim that “hate speech” leads homosexual teens to kill themselves. While these arguments are bogus, they effectively intimidate school officials and politicians who haven’t the courage to stand up to gay recruiting programs.”

From Gay Christian Movement Watch:

In response to proposed language from the International Guidelines on HIV / AIDS and Human Rights, which says (among other things) that “the age of consent to sex and marriage should be consistent for heterosexual and homosexual relationships”, the Gay Christian Movement Watch issued the following retort: “Perhaps the most disgusting demand of all is the call to parity the age of consent for homo and heterosexuals. Homosexual pedophiles in the US have attempted openly since 1978 to eliminate all age of consent laws. This UN document actually agrees that homosexual pedophiles should be able to have legal access to young boys without penalty. This is accomplished simply by lowering the age of consent.”

Aside from the intense rhetoric, the closest thing I can find to a rational argument from the right-wing faction is as follows: while the overwhelming majority of documented pedophilia cases include girls as victims, the ratio of men who molest boys compared to those who molest girls is higher than the societal ratio of homosexual men compared to heterosexual men.

In other words, if you are a gay man, you are more likely to be a child molester than if you are a heterosexual man. There are two primary arguments against this notion:

1. The ‘math’ is heavily disputed. I won’t try to reference all the viewpoints within this blog, because I’m not trying to write a formal thesis. But at the end of the blog, I’ve included links that you can review if you’re so inclined. However, suffice it to say that these ratios are not widely agreed upon. And no matter whose math you believe, it is still more likely that a man will molest your daughter than your son.
2. There are no compelling studies that demonstrate a correlation between homosexuality and pedophilia. There is no evidence that men who prey on boys identify as adult homosexuals. If you look at the frequently referenced cases used by the religious right, many of the perpetrators are ones who either hide under the cloak of religious celibacy (ironically enough), or try to blend into society as respectably married heterosexuals. “Out” gays and lesbians do not fit the prototypical profile of a pedophile.

From what I’ve read, and as I’ve contemplated both sides of the controversy, I believe the following statements would be acknowledged by all:

• The vast majority of known pedophiles are men
• The vast majority of pedophilia victims are girls
• Pedophiles are predators who target children, and are not defined by their adult sexual preferences or relationships

Those who are successful in engaging in pedophilic acts are likely ones who blend into society. The last thing they want to do is to be identified with stereotypes that would cause suspicion and risk their chances of gaining access to children. They are not going to be ‘out’ about anything.

As such, I believe all would agree that parents should do everything they can to protect their children from the dangers of pedophiles. These men are sexual predators who will go to great lengths to establish themselves as trusted authority figures, seek positions where they can gain access to children, and foster personal relationships with the sole intent of inflicting abuse.

This means that youth groups, religious organizations, and schools should act with an imperative to evaluate candidates for youth leadership positions with the highest sense of scrutiny. It also means that applicants for youth leadership roles should welcome such scrutiny if it will help protect the sanctity of the organization and improve the safety of the children it serves.

It does NOT mean, however, that these safety measures should be used as a means to promote a homophobic right-wing agenda that discriminates against the LGBT community. To the contrary, responsible gays and lesbians who are in youth leadership roles are more likely to go out of their way to demonstrate that they are NOT pedophiles to defend themselves against the aggressive tactics of homophobic propagandists who seek to demonize them.

Bottom line… I would like to thank those who recognize that being gay does not equate to being a pedophile. The LGBT community has fought long and hard to debunk this myth, and the tide appears to be turning on this topic. To those who still cling to the belief that gays are seeking to molest and/or recruit your children… please, please, please take the time to research the facts. If you look at the real-life cases of child molesters who have been exposed by the media, you will see that these are not individuals who represent the LGBT community. You can think what you want about the ‘gay lifestyle’, but it does not include child molestation.

Truthfully, it’s hard enough to find people in today’s society who are willing to invest their time and experience to positively impact the future of our youth. Don’t let ignorance, false perceptions, and hateful agendas stand in the way. Enough is enough!

For more information on this topic, please see the following sites:

Gay Friendly

http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/index.html

http://childsafetips.abouttips.com/pedophiles-and-their-characteristics.php

http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_chil.htm

Gay Un-Friendly

http://www.traditionalvalues.org/urban/one.php

http://www.traditionalvalues.org/pdf_files/TVCSpecialRptHomosexualRecruitChildren.PDF

http://gcmwatch.wordpress.com/2009/03/14/un-document-advocates-gay-marriage-pedophile-access/

http://theodicies.blogspot.com/2005/12/child-molesting-priests-are-gay-not.html

Gay Myth #3: We Recruit Others

One of my favorite 'gay moments' on TV comes from the series 'Ellen', when Ellen Degeneres officially comes out as a lesbian, and Susan, her new love interest, wins a free toaster for recruiting her (click on this link from YouTube to see it). What a riot! It makes a farce out of the all-too-familiar myth that gay people proactively recruit others to become gay - and it hopefully makes people who perpetuate this myth feel a little bit absurd when they watch it.

So why does this myth exist at all? And why does it matter?

I think it stems from the misguided belief that being gay is a 'choice' and/or a 'lifestyle', coupled with a leap of logic that says gays must proactively convert others since no one in their right mind would make the choice by themselves. At its core, this myth essentially represents the antithesis of the heterosexual rite of passage where young men lose their virginity to lusty and alluring vamps while young women preserve their chastity for their one true love. If not careful, the young adonis can be dissuaded from his true path by the hedonism of a gay lifestyle, and the nubile virgin can be consumed by the treacherous independence of a man-hating lesbian culture. It is the ultimate realization of 'tainted love'.

In my mind, this myth is dangerous because it escalates the anxiety of homophobes - vilifying the gay community, and introducing the insidious element of moral corruption of the innocent. It infers that gays are not only morally suspect because of our personal choice, but given the opportunity we will spread our sexual deviance like a disease. This myth is more dangerous than the previous two I've blogged about, because it turns a mere sin into a moral threat. If not watched closely, we will corrupt your children and convert your friends and family. Ultimately, we are people to be feared. When fueled sufficiently, the flames of fear become the bonfires of hatred.

So now the tough question... is there any truth to this myth? I mean... is it really possible that gays do try to recruit others to be gay (either consciously or subconsciously)?

Honestly, I've wrestled with this notion for a long time and I'll explain why. But first and foremost, let me remind readers that I have already emphatically argued that being gay is not a choice. Therefore, one can only conclude that it would be fruitless to try to recruit others to become gay. No matter how hard you try, you can't make somebody gay. Period.

So why have I wrestled with this? I think it's more the perception of recruiting that has troubled me rather than the reality of it. For me, the only time I have been confronted with the notion of 'recruiting', is when I have either suspected a young person of being gay or I have been pulled aside by an adult who is questioning his or her sexuality. In both situations (which I have encountered more than once), I have struggled with what I should or shouldn't do. If I pursue the discussion, I risk the perception of 'recruiting'. If I don't, I may be risking even more.

When it comes to gay youth, my earlier inclination was to avoid the subject at all costs and let them figure it out for themselves. I essentially kept my suspicions to myself - neither offering an inkling to the parent(s) nor to the youth in question. But as I've re-visited some of the deep angst I experienced in challenging and resisting my own sexuality, I recognize now how much of a difference it would have made for me to have a gay role model in my life - someone to confide in and help me understand that it's really OK to be gay. I didn't need anyone to recruit me, I simply needed to know that there were people I could respect and admire who also happen to be gay.

While I was fortunate enough to make it through my adolescence (which was tumultuous, indeed), many do not. As sobering perspective, here is an excerpt from an article in About.com that highlights the risk of assuming a gay adolescent will work it out for him or herself:

"Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers, according to the Massachusetts 2006 Youth Risk Survey. A 2007 San Francisco State University Chavez Center Institute study shows that lgbt and questioning youth who come from a rejecting family are up to nine times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers."

The truth is, societal pressures - especially those reinforced by a morally restrictive home environment - can often be too much for a gay adolescent to handle. The self-loathing, the feeling of failure, and the prospect of being a social outcast for the rest of ones life can be overwhelming. Being a teen is hard enough. Being a gay teen is that much harder.

The same can be true for adults. How many people have not accepted their sexuality, and have quietly condemned themselves over a lifetime, trying to live a lie for a society they believe will shun them? Maybe they've gone as far as getting married and having children, only to loathe themselves even more for not only being gay - but for being a liar as well. I can't imagine the constant inner-turmoil these people must endure. What's worse, is it's a conflict that stems from a premise that is inherently false - that there is something wrong with being gay. There is not. There is something wrong with a society that does not accept the fact that people are gay.

The bottom line is, as I've grown older and more comfortable with sexual diversity in general, I've come to recognize the best way to help others is to be a good role model myself. I need to make it clear to others that it's OK to be gay. It's not about who you love, it's about how you live.

If I see someone who appears to be struggling with his or her sexuality - at any age - I won't be shy about offering my support as a friend or family member to help them through it. I can't presume to tell someone whether he or she is gay - that is a personal truth that only he or she can discover. But I can be open and honest about my life experience, which will hopefully encourage others to be open and honest with themselves. The goal isn't to recruit others to be gay... it's to let those who are anguishing over their sexuality know that it's not worth the heartache.

Life is too precious and short to succumb to the ignorance and insecurities of others. Live life and love it. Be who you are, with dignity and pride - gay or straight. It's as simple as that.